Pathetic

I just lay around and listen to gay ass shit metal and rage everywhere I go. I hate everyone. I’ll never be the person I want to. And I’ll always fucking love you and I’ll never regret that. Why are people so hesitant to reach out a helping hand? I just want to love everyone but society make that impossible. Ignorant fucks. If I could take the last tree years of my life and relive them I would. I wouldn’t change any of the decisions I’ve made, I would just handle them differently. I wouldn’t get angry, I would listen. I wouldn’t hate, I would love people for their imperfections. But no. I’m not like that and I’m so fucking bitter that I will never be like that. I feel like everyone hates me. Every joke I crack, every outfit I wear, every smile, every conversation is inadequate. I’m nothing. You’ve made me nothing. I had it all once. I’m nothing. I don’t even know who Jessica is. That bitch is gone. I don’t know what my name is. I don’t know what I like. Who I like. Or why I like anything. Is anything real? Am I real? Why am I the way I am? Why am I not good enough? Why can’t I be like every other girl? Why don’t I have a family anymore? I have no support system. I’m sorry I’m venting. I’m sorry I’m crazy. But I usually tend to turn up on the other side of things a better person than when I went in so I have high hopes for myself. Soccer starts tomorrow and i just feel like I’m not good enough. I’m never good enough.